“Unknown Soft Items”

I love the dueling A&E and TLC shows about hoarders because crazy people fascinate me and provide a comforting benchmark for my own relative sanity. I actually admire their resolute passion to cling to a package of hair bows or a jar of relish.

(I do wonder how many of those 1-800-GOT-JUNK guys making $12 an hour walk into those houses crammed with dirty diapers and cat carcasses and say, “Fuck this shit; I’ll work at Burger King.”)

But this story tests even my tolerance for hoarder horrors. A court in Ypsilanti Township, Mich., has ordered a property management company, residential association and a derelict condo owner to clean up a condominium stuffed to the ceilings with rotting raw meat, rodents (dead and alive), and insects. I can’t describe it in any more grisly detail than this:

Upon inspecting the property at the end of August, township officials found rotting meat in plastic bags, decaying animals, animal feces, money strewn throughout the debris, around 30 bicycles, “unknown soft items” in various states of decay, mold and even raw chicken stuffed in the mailbox.

(Mailman: “Fuck this shit; I’ll work at Burger King.”)

The repulsive, sad story speaks for itself, but the article also serves up this delightfully misplaced promotional link about a third of the way through:

When this story first posted last week, the page served up an ad link for this local pizza place. We’re guessing Happy was anything but.

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