Big deal, Japan won the Women’s World Cup. We’ve won way more awesome stuff:

1) The Super Bowl! USA! USA! USA!

Bart Starr, meet nipple star

2) The moon! USA! USA! USA!

The U.S. always seeks new reserves of cheese

3) Oprah! USA! USA! USA!

You get a moon! And you get a moon!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4) The Trans Am! USA! USA! USA!

Sally Field not included.