Have we just given up completely on language? It’s troubling enough that people are buying their meals from the Pizza Hut counter at Target, where pizzas and pasta mingle alongside moist glistening hot dogs. But do the Pizza Hut folks really think it sounds cooler to the kids to say they want to “Plus Up” their meals? “I’m wanna plus up my food box with breadsticks.”

Change My Pitch Up! Plus My Sticks Up!

I can only imagine the phrases that missed the cut in these marketing meetings:

• I’d like to “More On!” my meal with some Cinnamon Crust Nuggets.
• Let me “Extra Do” that pizza with another, larger pizza on top.
• Could I “Barf Include” a side of Pepperoni Pods?
• And I’ll give mine some “Fatitude” with quadruple cheese and cheese.
• Sure, I’ll “Go All Insulin” with the Alfredo Keg.

Now watch John Mulaney decide between salad or fries.