I See Dead Fruit: A Belated Christmas Story

It’s never too late to share a tale of holiday joy. One evening just before Christmas, I was looking for my missing glove in the car and opened the passenger door to see if it had fallen on the other side of the seat. I saw the glove in the crevice alongside the seat, so I reached down to grab it. But apparently M. Night Shalamalam directed this scene, because there was a twist. It was not a glove but instead a gnarly black rotten banana of unknown vintage. It oozed gross black banana slime on my hand. So, fight or flight, I screamed like a child and flung it across the parking lot into the neighboring woods. Merry Christmas, everyone!

Now here is a hallucinogen-fueled Japanese banana commercial:

And the original Chiquita Banana commercial from the 1940s. “So you should never put bananas in the refrigerator.”:

Also, this provocative, existentially poignant time-lapse video bananas rotting:

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