I Was Mistaken. Uri Geller is More Hateable Than Deepak Chopra.

So spoon-bending asshole and discredited psychic punchline Uri Geller tried to stir up some attention for himself by claiming that “substantial” Malaysians solicited his magic bullshit powers to help find the missing Flight 370.

He asked his Twitter followers (and who are the 7,000 losers who follow Uri Geller?) “Can you please try to ‘see’ where YOU believe the plane went down? How and why, what are you own feelings, what does your intuitive sense tell you. THANKYOU.”

I am a proven fraud!

I predict that history will view me as laughably insignificant

And on Facebook, he posted this, along with this selfie that confirms he is a gonad fold: “Malaysia Plane Crash: what do you all think? If the plane did not crash is it possible for it to have landed in either North Korea or Iran?? How many of you think it crashed how many of you think it landed somewhere.”

And he said this out loud on purpose about his “remote viewing” capabilities in response to a reporter: “It works by people sending their mind through space and time. I have been asked by quite a substantial figure in Malaysia what my feelings are about this situation.”

Geller is a parasite. There are 239 lives in the balance as this bizarre tragedy unfolds. Their families desperately seek hope and answers. It’s beyond reprehensible for Geller to trade on that fear and uncertainty to draw attention to himself and his parlor tricks. And it’s disrespectful to ask his mini-legion of dipshit wannabe clairvoyants to post and tweet their visions of Flight 370’s fate. If he had shame, he’d be overcome by it.

Let’s close this out with a classic clip of Johnny Carson humiliating a young Geller on The Tonight Show many years ago. So wonderful.

The containseggs 2012 Oscar Recap

As we observed tonight’s three-hour time-release Ambien awards show:

  • Breaking News: French filmmakers surrender Oscars for The Artist.
  • Really? Jethro Tull wins for best actress? Come on!
  • Last victim on the death reel? The Oscars.
  • Breaking News: Nick Nolte responds to his inclusion in the Oscar death reel.
  • What a shocking twist that M. Night Shyamalan directed The Artist. Did not see that coming.
  • The Oscars suck and celebrities are stupid and not funny and we’re the real stars on Twitter and I’m sad now and going to bed. 😦
  • I just hope Angelina makes it through the Death Reel.
  • That’s awesome that Bret Michaels won. Poison Forever!
  • They really need to kill some celebrities in live time during the “In Memoriam” to pick things up tonight.
  • I’m starting to think Nicolas Cage totally deserved his Oscar, and probably a couple more. #FireGhostWeirdSuckStillInTheaters
  • I can’t wait until Nick Nolte sings The Gambler.
  • I can’t WAIT for Billy Crystal to star in the Golden Girls movie reboot.
  • Is this Occupy Wall Street? I’m so confused.
  • Is the Academy mad at us? What did we do to deserve this?
  • Oh thank god for this Wizard of Oz focus group. #Redemption
  • It’s so cool that ABC broadcast this rehearsal of the Oscars.
  • I can’t believe they’ve let Chris Brown perform two montages. #DontForget
  • That’s true of so many important moments in my life. / RT @aimeemann: Watching the Oscars. Justin Bieber is the highlight so far.
  • I’ve never been more excited about the NBA.
  • Is this CSPAN?
  • Did anyone else catch that glimpse of Nick Nolte tongue kissing Leonard Nimoy in the balcony?
  • Whitney Houston died for this?
  • Hey, when does this Billy Crystal infomercial end and the Oscars(TM) start?
  • Don’t be so sure./ RT @thesulk The Oscars may suck but at least they won’t end with Tom Brady on his ass.
  • Woody Harrelson kicked ASS in the Slam Dunk contest last night. #Oscars #NBAAllStars
  • Surprising choice to have Nick Nolte sing the national anthem to kick things off. #Oscars
  • Albert Nobbs is a man? Come on!
  • RT @aimeenancygrace I’m sitting down at Safeway eating a peanut butter sandwich because I’m hypoglycemic. #Oscars
  • Kelly Osbourne’s hair is the color of ditto ink from when I was in elementary school. #FewPeopleWillGetThis #AhhhhTheSmell
  • Melanie Griffin looks like the old sunbathing woman from Something About Mary

Ginger Snaps! Mick Hucknall smolders over redhead jokes

Ginger Snaps! Mick Hucknall mad as hell!

"I'm burning with fiery anger!"

Apparently, all the “ginger” jokes and comments have offended Mick Hucknall. He equates it to racism, and can’t understand why people identify him so closely with the color of his hair.

“The pop star questioned why a string of prominent Britons were not similarly defined by the colour of their hair.”

Hmmm. Perhaps because their locks aren’t quite as shockingly red as yours, Mick. Oh, and they also didn’t name their famous bands “Simply Red” after the color of your hair. Just some theories.