Someone should explain to CNN that “Breaking News” and “Relentless Speculation” are not the same thing


CNN has not broken one single morsel of news about the mystery Malaysian Airlines plane. It has breathlessly chased every red herring this dramatic saga has introduced. CNN parades a continuous stream of experts and observers with varying degrees of knowledge to speculate on where in the world the wayward aircraft might be.

It’s a ferociously fascinating story. I’ll watch a panel yap about what they think might have happened. But let’s call that what it is: People guessing. “Breaking News” implies that news has broken, that something new has been revealed. CNN will run the “Breaking News” title graphic while relentlessly repeating the same updates being reported by every network. Often the “latest” news is hours old.

His quest for credibility is failing

His quest for credibility is failing

And CNN’s resident aviation expert and meth-addled genitalia wrangler Richard Quest is an imbecile and a twit. He has been spectacularly wrong on almost every observation and speculation. He was almost unequivocal that the Chinese satellite photos from a few days ago were indeed showing the wreckage of the plane. Other more knowledgeable experts urged caution based on the size and placement of the satellite photo mystery debris. But Quest continued to insist with bluster that the photos showed the remnants of the downed plane. He’s a buffoon.

And Wolf Blitzer embarrasses himself in live reporting and interviews during unfolding stories such as this. Here is a typical exchange:

Thoughtful, Cautious Aviation Expert: “We just don’t have enough information to speculate on what might have happened to that aircraft.”

Blizter: “So do you think it’s possible that terrorists overtook the flight crew and diverted the plane to Yemen?”

Thoughtful, Cautious Airline Expert: “What you are asking is absolutely impossible to know.”

Blitzer: “So it is possible then. Also, did Malaysian Airlines ignore FAA guidance regarding possible vulnerabilities related to corrosion in the fuselage of the Boeing 777 aircraft? Did that create a breach in the external structure of the plane that compromised the air compression in the cabin?”

Thoughtful, Cautious Aviation Expert: “We won’t know for several days or even weeks what the maintenance record of the plane will show. And in any case, the scenario you describe is highly unlikely. There is no value in such random conjecture.”

Blitzer: “So you’re saying that the wanton negligence of Malaysian Airlines cost the lives of more than 200 passengers on that airplane?”

Thoughtful, Cautious Aviation Expert: “You’re an idiot.”

Blitzer: “Are you suggesting then that aliens cast down a beam from a hovering space pod and pulled the aircraft in with a gravitational force that earthly science cannot even comprehend?”

It does save money on restaurants

We were amused that someone found containseggs today by searching the term “cocaine travel guide.” We were equally amused that we’re only the sixth link in a Google search for “cocaine travel guide.” Perhaps this travel trend is more popular than we realized. Life and satire seem to stick pretty closely together.

Coming Soon: Fodor’s “Blow Through Europe” Cocaine Travel Guide

A friend on Facebook shared this Huffington Post link, which seems to be an unintentionally helpful guide to manage your cocaine budget as you travel through Europe. Complete with stunning stock photos of each destination in a slide show—”You just won’t be able to stop talking about the Colosseum! And talking! And talking!”
Isn't it good, Norwegian's would . . . pay too much for their cocaine

$154 per gram Norway? No way! I'll take my travel dollars and my coke habit to Luxembourg

We’re also pleased to see that, despite Greece’s debt woes and volatile economy, the Greek cocaine market still commands a stable $104 per gram. No hyperinflation, just hyperinhalation.

Finally, we see that The Economist provided a print-ready cocaine price list for European travelers, with even more countries listed, as its Daily Chart a few days back. Just remember, it’s twice the vacation if you never sleep.

Statue Rebellion, Comfort Wear for Travel and Other Excellent Things