Atlanta Braces for SNOW MY GOD! 2014 (Special Catastrophic Edition)

I have offered “SNOW MY GOD! 2014” to my local news contacts free of charge. So far no station has adopted it as a winter storm theme. But someone will.

For locals, please be aware that this storm has the potential to be CATASTROPHIC. We know this because the National Weather Service said so as the storm approached. And now it is the only word local newscasters say. Brenda Wood on WXIA must’ve said “catastrophic” 31 times in the opening minute of the 11 o’clock news last night. It reminded me of this scene from The Aviator, when Leonardo DiCaprio portrays Howard Hughes in the early stages of descent into mental illness, obsessively repeating “show me all the blueprints.”

I do not make light of the storm’s potential. As an Atlanta native, I’ve seen firsthand for decades how bad we are at snow. Hell, last weekend Nashville got a half-inch of snow and traffic in Atlanta ground to a halt. (That did not actually happen.) Godspeed, hometown.

Georgia DOT Finally Solves the Mystery of Atlanta’s Snow Traffic Disaster


Snow Way!

In other news, the Atlanta PD reports that murders are affecting the murder rate.

Great to see that after 10 days the Ga. DOT is finally getting a handle on the snow gridlock. Some consultant surely made a lot of money to draw this conclusion.

And to clarify the semantically clumsy news graphic: The DOT isn’t suggesting that dense traffic made more snow fall. What the DOT is proclaiming is actually much more brazen in its obviousness. After 10 days of analysis, the DOT has determined that traffic made the traffic worse. We knew at 1 p.m. that Tuesday that releasing everyone onto the highways at once created staggering gridlock. Of course that’s what created a disaster as darkness and more snow fell.

“Well, snow started falling, then everyone got on the roads and they became gridlocked. Then, more snow. Sorry your kid spent the night on a bus.”