A final word to friends in the Northeast who mocked our snow, and those on the West Coast who mocked our earthquake:
New York: Your pizza and your bagels aren’t really that much better. Shut up already.
Los Angeles: I don’t care if you have an IMDB credit as “Fleeing robber #3” on a CSI episode, or that your agent once repped Stephen Baldwin. You’re a waiter.
Another great moment in local coverage of SNOW MY GOD! 2014*. This analysis by a Canadian visitor really puts the storm in perspective:
*A friend also suggested CLUSTERFLAKE, which I must admit I wish I had thought of.
We have a serious early contender for Most Inane Winter Storm Reporting from WSB’s Mark Winne, interviewing Georgia National Guard members.
First of all, it’s unclear why he protects himself against the harsh conditions by dressing as a 1940s gumshoe.
And the usually hard-hitting investigative reporter seems to feel like he’s slumming by doing storm duty. So he artificially interjects Serious Newsman Drama into the interview, to hilarious effect. Here’s the transcript of the interview with National Guard Specialist Lucinda Jamerson:
Winne: “So you’ve been out on the roads, uh, in a Humvee?”
Jamerson: “Yes sir.”
Winne: “Uh, you helped move a blocked tree off Atlanta Road.”
Jamerson: “Yes sir.”
Winne: “You saw a flipped over car.”
Jamerson: “Yes sir.”
Now, after wearing down her defenses with obvious observations, Winne goes in for the kill:
Winne: “Why are you out here?”
Honestly. “Why are you out here?” He just finished reciting to her a list of things that she was doing out there, barely giving her time to respond. Then he HOLDS HER ACCOUNTABLE for justifying her role in the storm response.
Winne clearly wasn’t actually trying to trip her up or call her out, but his rapid-fire ambush instincts make this otherwise air-filling news clip extra amusing.
To her credit, Jamerson rolled with Winne’s peculiar question and responded with a simple summary of her snow job:
Jamerson: “I’m out here doing what I’m supposed to do, as a Guard member, helping out the people, giving them what they need in these conditions.”
Remember, people, CATASTROPHIC. Be safe.
UPDATE: Oh good lord, now Winne is “on patrol with the National Guard.” He just signed off with “Reporting live from a Humvee.”
UPDATE 2: We have another strong candidate for Most Inane Winter Storm Reporting, this time from WXIA. We don’t have video, but my brother shared this: “We just watched a Channel 11 reporter put his microphone up to the ice so that the viewers could hear it melting. That’s right, he actually interviewed the ice.”
UPDATE 3: Guys, Winne really just can’t help himself.
Unfortunately, this part of the report was cut off:
“By the way, for those of you not familiar with military terminology, a Humvee, which I was riding in the back of while reporting that story while on patrol with the National Guard, is short for ‘Hummus Vehicle.’ At least that’s what the Guard members I was on patrol with today told me. Apparently its of Greek origin. I’m Mark Winne, Channel 2 Action News. Emphasis on ‘action,’ by the way.”
I have offered “SNOW MY GOD! 2014” to my local news contacts free of charge. So far no station has adopted it as a winter storm theme. But someone will.
For locals, please be aware that this storm has the potential to be CATASTROPHIC. We know this because the National Weather Service said so as the storm approached. And now it is the only word local newscasters say. Brenda Wood on WXIA must’ve said “catastrophic” 31 times in the opening minute of the 11 o’clock news last night. It reminded me of this scene from The Aviator, when Leonardo DiCaprio portrays Howard Hughes in the early stages of descent into mental illness, obsessively repeating “show me all the blueprints.”
I do not make light of the storm’s potential. As an Atlanta native, I’ve seen firsthand for decades how bad we are at snow. Hell, last weekend Nashville got a half-inch of snow and traffic in Atlanta ground to a halt. (That did not actually happen.) Godspeed, hometown.
Astute.
In other news, the Atlanta PD reports that murders are affecting the murder rate.
Great to see that after 10 days the Ga. DOT is finally getting a handle on the snow gridlock. Some consultant surely made a lot of money to draw this conclusion.
And to clarify the semantically clumsy news graphic: The DOT isn’t suggesting that dense traffic made more snow fall. What the DOT is proclaiming is actually much more brazen in its obviousness. After 10 days of analysis, the DOT has determined that traffic made the traffic worse. We knew at 1 p.m. that Tuesday that releasing everyone onto the highways at once created staggering gridlock. Of course that’s what created a disaster as darkness and more snow fell.
“Well, snow started falling, then everyone got on the roads and they became gridlocked. Then, more snow. Sorry your kid spent the night on a bus.”
containseggs 